Riverwind

Which words best describe me?

2006-02-24T09:19:00.000+08:00

Jazzyminn's Johari Window

Got this from Armi.

One Step At A Time

2006-02-15T14:47:00.000+08:00

I want to share with you this story that truly inspired me.

THE FERN AND THE BAMBOO
One day I decided to quit... I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo." He said.

"In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit." He said.

"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant... But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle." He said to me.

"Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots? I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. Don't compare yourself to others." He said.

"The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet, they both make the forest beautiful. Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high!"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

-+--'=:!O!:='--+-

These past few months I've been contemplating on what to do with my career and on how to live my life to the fullest. I nearly went mad while considering these options:

Option #1: take my software career to the next level. (pros: it's interesting plus it's where the money is; cons: it's brain-draining and i will need years of experience)

Option #2: teach math, physics, or any EE course. (pros: i love math and i can teach; con: i need to be extra-hardworking to really earn)

Option #3: ditch engineering. master the piano then make a living out of it. (pro: i love music; cons: i will need years of practice and artists do starve unless they are popular)

Option #4: learn photography and interior design then make a living out of it. (pro: i love arts; cons: same as option #3 plus i will need a lumpsome of funds and there are no interior design courses offered here in the Phils.)

Finally I decided that I need to make a living out of option #1 and just make a hobby out of options #3 and #4 (thanks to Rohel's counseling). Then I may eventually put up a business so I can have the luxury of quality time. As of now I have planned on taking things one step at a time:

Upgrade #1: It's official. My resignation is effective on the 28th of February. I've already updated my resume (as Armi adviced) and applied to companies with interesting job descriptions for the position of software/firmware engineer.

Upgrade #2: I'll be taking a formal one-month training in C++ Programming this March in the Meralco Foundation Institute. And while I'm staying at home unemployed I will study analog/digital circuits/devices, review my Visual Basic programming skills, and continue my neglected piano practices. I'm dead serious.

Upgrade #3: I plan on taking another short-course at MFI, probably a Java programming or a Programmable Logic Controller course.

There. I have finally steered the wheel of my life into the direction I currently want to take (of course it may still change with time).

mood: inspired

Pics! Pics!

2006-02-06T12:17:00.000+08:00

hehe... finally!

more on flicker...

A Dream Worth Keeping

2006-01-31T15:06:00.000+08:00

A Dream Worth Keeping
by Sheena Easton

Anytime you want to be right here
Just imagine me and all this will appear
You can keep this moment all your life forever near
A dream worth keeping

When you're feeling lost I'll be your star
Just reach out and touch me no matter where you are
In a world where precious things are disappearing overnight
Just keep my star in sight...

I believe we found a dream that's worth keeping
For more than just a day
And eventhough the winds of change may come sweeping
It's still a dream worth keeping
Don't let it fade away...

Maybe you'll be in some distant land
Feeling all alone but I'll be close at hand
And everytime you see a rainbow paint the sky behind the rain
You'll be here again...

I believe we found a dream that's woth keeping
For more than just a day
And eventhough the winds of change may come sweeping
It's still a dream worth keeping
So don't let it fade away...

Someday you might be thinking
Life has passed you by
Your spirits might be sinking
With hope in short supply
That's the reason why
That's the reason why...

I know this dream's worth keeping
As long as it will stay
And even when you see the darknees come creeping
A dream worth keeping
Can never fade away...

First Times

2006-01-31T09:39:00.000+08:00

First Time #1

Three Saturdays ago I was in LB for the first time this year. It was nice to see again the friends I knew since Highschool and College. Sobrang sabik ako sa outing and get-togethers, sana sa summer magkita-kits ulit! It was nice seeing Mark, Han and baby Sam healthier and stronger than ever. =) (Teka lang dapat i-u-upload ko na yung pics ng dedication ni Sam ngayon, pero ibang baby sam pics pala ang nai-burn ko! Sorry guys next week na lang ulit, dial-up lang kasi sa bahay eh...)

First Time #2

Two Sundays ago I was in EK with my family for the FIRST TIME. Todo kapit ako sa Jungle Log eh, waaaa... katakot yung second fall kasi kita mo kung gaano kataas at ka-steep yung incline so anticipated mo na. Buti na lang hindi sumakay si mama. Grabe pagbagsak namin biglang may nag-flash... I had the most embarrassing candid shot ever! Si bibs naman mukhang constipated, hindi namin akalain eh nagvolunteer pa siya sa unahan. Hehehe... natatawa pa rin ako sa itsura namin pag naaalala ko. Sayang nga lang at hindi namin kinuha yung pic, pano ba naman p200?! Sa Rio Grande lang kaming pito nagkasya sa isang ride. Basang-basa kami ni nica tumutulo pa damit namin pagkatapos, pero ako mula baywang lang, si nica talaga mula ulo kasi sa kanila pa ni biboy tumapat yung falls! Hehehe... daya talaga ni papa at cedie halos hindi sila nabasa. Yung Space Shuttle ang grabe, kakalula yung 60-degree head-first plunge! Nung reverse naman kakatakot yung upward half-circle loop parang bibigay yung harness feeling mo mahuhulog ka. Kaming tatlo lang ni kuya at nica ang sumakay dun, last time kasi nag-Viking kami sa Star City nanigas sa lula si biboy. Ang saya talaga kuhanan ng picture si bibs, hehe =p. Hay... sobrang enjoy kaming lahat, stress-reliever talaga though hindi ako nakapasok the next day sa sobrang pagod. =b

First Time #3

I had my first voice recital last Sunday. I performed "A Dream Worth Keeping", a soundtrack from the animation "Ferngully: The Last Rainforest". The audience was just a small group of people but nothing made me increasingly conscious and nervous than the thought of my entire family being there. I guess they were the ones I wanted to please the most and I knew that it wouldn't be easy because they (especially Papa) are the most perfectionist classical musicians I've known. But in the end I just can't explain how good it feels when people start smiling and applauding at you as though you have performed that well. Wee... =)

mood: breathless

Time Is Up!

2006-01-26T09:47:00.000+08:00

Did you know I got suspended last December due to habitual tardiness? hehehe... Pero ayos lang, ang saya nga eh they gave me six Saturdays off 'til Jan 28 coz they can't afford to lose me for one week =P. Is it my fault that Cavite is so far away from Pacita and that I leave on Mondays at 6am in the morning already because it's the first trip when riding the van which takes the shortest route from Pacita to Pala-pala? Is it my fault that I can't make sure that the water I save every night is still there whenever I wake up because there are 12 occupants in my apartment (some of them are on variable shifts) and what comes out of the faucet in the mornings is 90% air and 10% water by volume compared to 40% air and 60% water (with impurities) in the evenings? And now they're asking me to come to Cavite on Sundays when I only get to come home on Saturdays or leave at 5am during Mondays and take two jeepney rides for a longer route from Pacita to Pala-pala?! Oh c'mon they must have been kidding me... waking up at 5am and riding one smoke-belching jeepney from Pala-pala to Tejero is enough to intoxicate my lungs with carbon monoxide and ruin my aura on Monday mornings!

The truth is, kakatamad na talaga magwork dito kaya siguro lagi akong late. Kasi naman, four (4) times nang pinapalitan yung colored LCD namin since May last year and until now we still don't know which one we'll be using. So everytime they give us a new one we have to rework every code we made starting from the driver, up to every block of function needed for the display but make sure the old ones are still updated. Argh! And they couldn't even provide me with a decent computer and a full-version compiler! My Windows 2K SERVER computer with only 128MB RAM takes 5 minutes to boot (crag-crag-toot!) and the Metroworks Codewarrior compiler keeps on saying "code size limit exceeded!" Hey I've already commented out the communications part leaving only the menu and display functions! Puno na nga ng "#ifdef" at "#endif" yung .c and .h files namin eh.

I don't know how I've managed to stay here for a year with an uncomfortable lifestyle, belittling compensation (buti na lang at mababa rin ang cost of living dito) and unpalatable food (believe me daig ng canteen dito ang dorm food nung hayskul! and the trays... oh nevermind!). "Magtiis, magtiis... ganyan talaga sa simula" as my father always say everytime I start ranting at home at how low this company has treated me. Kakainis talaga, wala manlang training, walang recognition, o kahit manlang financial motivation! At least I can be proud that I have learned everything I know here all by myself. I keep telling myself I just need the experience, a year would be fine. And now that the time is up I'm resigning! Salamat na lang talaga at R&D ito at maganda ang resume ko =) Dami ko rin namang naaccomplish... Renegade, Diablo II, The Fifth Disciple, at sangkatutak na flash games! hehehe... Sayang nga lang at hindi kaya ng videocard ko ang Need4Speed Underground II at iba pang 3D games. hmp!

mood: excited

Come back down

2006-01-25T12:55:00.000+08:00

Love this song of Lifehouse.

Long time no blog... sorry but this company really sucks BIG TIME! Since November of last year we were deprived of internet access. We only get to access the net when we have the chance to modify our IP addresses during OTs. We use the IPs authorized by SIT (the department heads') and a computer description such as "catch me if you can". hehe =P. Then it was announced yesterday that OTs aren't allowed anymore so we've come up with a better strategy... using analogx and proxyway to access the net through the R&D's Mechanical and PCB team heads' computer! haha =D

Anyway, it's my 1st year anniversary here at Maxon and all I got today is 500 bucks which is only a fraction of my salary supposedly due the 15th of this month! How insulting is that?

Oh and one more thing... I woke up this morning learning that I've lost more (keypad number 3 previously down) of my cellphone's keypads: numbers 4, 5 and 6. hehehe... I'm temporarily txtnonstop-paralyzed.

Life is good... nevermind Happy Anniversary to me. Happy New Year to all! =)

mood: frustrated

Breathing underwater

2005-10-26T08:12:00.000+08:00

It was our swimming finals and my instructor made us collect some electronic components underwater which we should immediately assemble after the dive. I myself was perplexed at how I was able to stay that long underwater, and as I was figuring it out I realized I can breathe air from water! Though I've managed to fake my resurfacings, my instructor turned supsicious and said, "You're the only student who collected the gadgets in such a short period of time. How'd you do that?" Sa isip ko lang... "baka mabuking niya 'ko na nakakahinga ako sa tubig dahil panaginip lang 'to". hehehe... =p

mood: barely breathing

For the weak and the broken...

2005-10-21T09:37:00.000+08:00

NEVER GONNA LET GO
by Caedmon's Call

You've been lost in the wind
And the rain of a storm at sea
The waves crashing over your back
And you're crying out for me

But as the ocean rages
I am sleeping in the boat
But I have a plan, I'm holding your hand
And I'm keeping you afloat

I'm never gonna let go
My love for you is always true
I'm never gonna lose heart
'Cause I'm holding on tight to you
Should the cruel wind chill your soul
When the world seems out of control
I'm never gonna let go of you

The day's old, this desert is cold
And a dark cloud covers the truth
Fix your eyes on the horizon
The light is breaking through

You are my beloved child
Forever in my heart
After the fall and after it all
You're safe within my arms

Whenever you feel that you're lost in doubt
I am the way
I am the vine, you're the fruit
I am the truth and the life and the light of day

mood: strengthened

Quarter-life Crisis

2005-10-20T08:23:00.001+08:00

For so long I was living in a matrix... which ~~Thea~~ *Angel* would preferably call as my dollhouse.

Ba't ba kasi ang tagal nating nag-aral?

Hmmm... Well, I wouldn't have chosen the red pill that early anyway.

mood: panic mode

I'm broke anyway

2005-10-17T10:29:00.000+08:00

Right now it feels like quality time is a luxury I can't afford...

mood: exhausted

Mga Usapang Biboy I

2005-09-26T08:45:00.000+08:00

Ate yang: "Bibs alin ang masmahirap tugtugin... violin o piano?"
Bibs: "Hmm... violin."
Ate yang: "Eh alin ang masmasarap tugtugin?"
Bibs: "Hmm... violin."
Ate yang: "Alin ang masmaganda pakinggan?"
Bibs: "violin!"
Ate yang: "Eh 'di gusto mo nang maging violinist? Ayaw mo ba maging doktor?
Bibs: Yoko. Ayoko nga ng mga trabahong nakakamatay. Kasi pag naging doktor ako, mamaya mapatay ko yung pasyente ko. Yoko rin maging piloto, kasi baka mamaya bumagsak yung eroplano ko.... Yoko rin maging bumbero, mamaya masunog ako! violinista na nga lang, di ba malaki naman sahod nun?"

hwehe.

-+--'=:!O!:='--+-
(last summer sa hospital, phone conversation...)
Mama: "Hi bibs kamusta kayo dyan?"
Bibs: "ayos lang."
Mama: "'Di mo ba ako kakamustahin?"
Bibs: "O cge kamusta ka?"
Mama: "Bibs baka malapit na raw akong mabulag..." (nagpapalambing)
Bibs: "Kailan?"

yan ang clueless kong kapatid na nabubuhay sa mundo ng cartoon network.

-+--'=:!O!:='--+-

pwede na bang pang-commercial? =)

mood: amused

What is wrong with this image?

2005-09-12T13:28:00.000+08:00

These are phone icons (for display in 256 colors) I designed for our new colored LCD. What is wrong with the icons? Funny how I didn't notice. Can you tell?

mood: artistic

Warning!!!

2005-09-05T15:59:00.000+08:00

To all companies engaged in the use or distribution of illegal software: Nationwide Crackdown starts Sept 16. OPLAN CRACKDOWN.

Hmmm... maging successful naman kaya ito?

mood: alarmed

Chippy makes my day!

2005-09-01T08:48:00.000+08:00

Chippy commercials are so cool, it makes me laugh (but of course! wehehe) just thinking about them. And yes I gotta admit I can relate to that presto cream biscuit commercial (miss ko na pagiging estudyante! those days are over... huhuhu). Ingenious commercials make watching tv shows so much more entertaining! =)

mood: comic

Where words fail...

2005-08-30T15:10:00.000+08:00

...music speaks.

-+--'=:!O!:='--+-
"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent." ~Victor Hugo

"Music expresses feeling and thought, without language; it was below and before speech, and it is above and beyond all words." ~Robert G. Ingersoll

"Music cleanses the understanding; inspires it, and lifts it into a realm which it would not reach if it were left to itself." ~Henry Ward Beecher

"Music is God's gift to man, the only art of Heaven given to earth, the only art of earth we take to Heaven." ~Walter Savage Landor

"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything." ~Plato

-+--'=:!O!:='--+-
Music is what keeps me dreaming... the fire that keeps my heart burning, the light that keeps my spirit glowing. ~Jas

mood: heavenly

"You light up the candle in the sky"

2005-08-27T16:21:00.000+08:00

...was the most beautiful song I have ever heard... until I woke up. And now I don't even remember the line that I sang. ='( At least I get to remember the title! Heehee... =)

<"I might as well add this here...">
I distinctly remember a time (just a few weeks before the board exam) when I dreamt with no picture (what color? take a guess...), I thought it was one of those nightmares again but suddenly one of Bach's symphonies played in the background and I swear I could hear every single piece of instrument and follow every note playing for a number of minutes! What fascinates me is how it played in my mind clearly and precisely when all I really know is the part of the first violin with a little accompaniment and I can only follow the notes if I hear the music playing. weird...

mood: fascinated

Again?!

2005-08-23T08:31:00.000+08:00

"The Red Planet is about to be spectacular.
Mars will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye."

When? Info here: http://www.snopes.com/science/mars.asp.

mood: excited

See through the visible

2005-08-17T09:39:00.000+08:00

How can people be so judgemental? It just pisses me off to hear people speak so terribly of people they don't even know! argh... Mabuti pa ang mga bulag kung ganon! They are blessed with blindness so that they can feel in order to see... see through things the way we can't always do. We are all guilty of that offense and sometimes we don't realize that what really is essential are the things invisible to the eye.

mood: perceptive

Reincarnate now.

2005-08-10T12:04:00.000+08:00

I just can't help but remark how compelling Nike's newest theme is...

"Leave your old self behind. Reincarnate now."

Wow these words are powerful. Simple yet profound.

mood: reflective

Sword of Gold

2005-08-10T08:26:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... Isn't it that gold (Au) is a soft metal? Why in the world would Cassiopeia in 'Encantadia' use it in forging a sword? Wahehe... :D

mood: analytical

It's raining frogs!

2005-08-06T00:56:00.001+08:00

It's been constantly raining for days now and it's freezing cold here in the office. I was on my way to my apartment one night just after the first downpour when I saw about a thousand little frogs THE SIZE OF A FINGERNAIL suddenly leaping in the dark! They were really cute but I felt a chill up my spine seeing so many of them as I stride along careful not to squash them. The first time I've seen those I was so fascinated and felt pretty weird as much that a frog could get that small. Reminds me so much of LB... :) Could anyone tell me what species of frogs those are?

mood: brrrr...

We didn't just have spag...

2005-08-04T12:54:00.000+08:00

The celebration of Cedie's birthday last tuesday night was really one of a kind. Early monday morning I received a text message from papa: "Ate yang c cedie nag-attend kahapon ng bday party ng kaklase niya, ang dami raw regalo. Siya daw ba may matatanggap din sa bday niya?"... and so everybody got him a present! I was excited myself because it was the first birthday in the family where we didn't just have spaghetti, each one also deliberately prepared a gift for the celebrator: sky-pilot helicopter, spiderman watch, crushgear, power shooter, stuffed puppy, and a cute chess set. Suwerte talaga 'pag bunso! Guess which one came from me? I didn't expect he'd be that thrilled because it wasn't really a toy but when he saw it he actually shouted with glee... "WOW...!!!" He has always been very fond of playing chess. :)

mood: touched

I choose

2005-08-04T00:12:00.000+08:00

I may not hide from the truth... I may not close my eyes to the things I don't want to see... I may not have the power to change the world... but I do have the power to live my life the way I want it to be, and I choose to live in purity. I choose the path where light shines upon.

"I am the captain of my ship. I am the master of my soul."

mood: determined

Mga Kuwentong Cedie III

2005-08-02T16:29:00.000+08:00

Cedie with my neice Alhanna
Cedie: "Kanina pa si bibs naglalaro, mainit na yung CPU. Ate yang 'di ba ang ibig sabihin ng CPU... Com-P-Uter? 'Di ba pinaikli lang yun...?"

hehe... buti pa ang mga bata. *Sigh* Happy Birthday Cedie! :)

mood: lifted

The child in me...

2005-08-02T09:34:00.000+08:00

...cries for what adults don't see...

mood: depressed

Bright side of the day

2005-08-01T13:01:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to my beloved and admired friend... hannabadoo la michika boo la bilibi balibi boo...! Wishing you all the happiness in this life... :)

Crying does help...

2005-08-01T08:34:00.000+08:00

Crying makes me a little numb after. It's like pouring out the impurities deep within my agitated heart and calming down the turbulent emotions I try to hold back inside. Sadly, residues remain... that which is called memory.
-+--'=:!O!:='--+-
If I could just close my eyes to the things I don't want to see... and my ears to the things I don't want to hear... If I could just undo the irreversible... then I wouldn't have felt the grief of a disillusioned soul.

mood: disheartened

Just Like Friction

2005-07-28T01:09:00.000+08:00

Bakit nga kaya, ang lahat ng bagay sa umpisa ang hirap-hirap... pero pag nasimulan mo na dumadali? Hmmm... parang friction...

"The coefficient of static friction is usually greater than the coefficient of kinetic friction. Therefore, the initial force to get an object moving is usually greater than the force needed to keep the object moving."

Hmmm... what could those conditions be wherein the coefficient of static friction is less than that of the kinetic?

mood: exhausted

It's the Church Of Christ's 91st Anniversary!!!

2005-07-27T11:05:00.001+08:00

Maligayang ika-siyamnapu't-isang kaarawan ng pagkakatatag ng Iglesia Ni Cristo sa Pilipinas. Nawa ay lalong magtumibay ang pagkakaisa ng ating mga diwa at lubos na magpatuloy sa pagliliwanag sa gitna ng madilim at magulong sanlibutan, sa ikaluluwalhati ng Buong Maykapal.

mood: jubilant

I Did It Again!

2005-07-26T09:16:00.000+08:00

I often catch my fingers playing on an imaginary keyboard with a tune playing in my head. Sometimes I unconsciously make doodles and spell out words on air with my right index finger. And now... more than a couple of times did I find myself looking for that scroll wheel between the left-click and right-click buttons of this new mouse. Hmmm...

mood: curious

Armi's Wish Is My Command

2005-07-23T13:31:00.000+08:00

three names you go by:
1. Jas/Jazz - by friends
2. Iyang/Ate Yang - by family
3. Minn/Mahal - by Whel

three screen names you have had:
1. nimsaj
2. jazzyminn
3. riverwind

three physical things you like about yourself:
1. my spirit-lifting smile :)
2. my fair skin
3. my shoulders

three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. my lower set of teeth
2. the shape of my head
3. my rough hands
//only the skin, I love my hands

three parts of your heritage:
1. Filipino (Bongon)
2. Chinese (Altura - father's side)
3. Spanish (Ibero, Labrador - mother's side)

three things that scare you:
1. losing the ones I love... the ones who make me cherish life all the more
2. that I'd wake up one day and realize that I haven't fully lived
3. to witness something that is emotionally disturbing
//when watching a movie i still close my eyes whenever i feel i'm about to

three of your everyday essentials:
1. music
2. laughter
3. "my circle of trust"

three of your favorite musical artists:
1. Sting
2. Bread
3. Toto

classical composers:
1. Johann Sebastian Bach
2. Antonio Vivaldi
3. Wolfang Amadeus Mozart

three of your favorite songs:
1. When I Think Of You by Chris de Burgh
2. I Will Be Here by Michael W. Smith
3. Beauty and Madness by Fra Lippo Lippi

classical pieces:
1. Air by Bach
2. Vivaldi's Four Seasons
3. Clair de Lune by Claude DeBussy

three things you want in a relationship:
1. a love that constantly grows
2. faithfulness and honesty
3. a combination of sugar and spice

three lies and truths in no particular order:
lies:
1. The Trinity
2. Life is fair.
3. "One small step for man, one big leap for mankind."

truths:
1. There is ONLY ONE God.
2. The entropy in the universe is EXPONENTIALLY increasing.
3. Gloria Macapagal Arroyo has twice disgraced the Philippine Constitution.

truths about me:
1. Jas is an idealist, a hopeless romantic, a dreamer.
2. Iyang is not proper, she just knows when she needs to be.
3. Minn is more than ever a softie when she pretends to be a toughie.

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
>I'm not the type to notice attractive men. I have to know someone personally before I can find him attractive, and so there's no particular pattern in their physical attributes. - Armi

//likewise. "What is essential is invisible to the eye." All of my very few crushes (non-celebrity) I have known personally before actually liking them. What apparently appeals to me:
1. good heart
2. good personality
3. good humor

three of your favorite hobbies:
1. piano, music
2. movies, photography
3. ping-pong, videogames
//i do have a stamp collection

three things you want to do really badly now:
1. play the piano
2. watch a movie and eat ice cream
3. be with the love of my life

three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. performing classical pianist and voice recording artist
2. software developer and electronic circuits designer
3. photographer and interior designer
//i also consider teaching math and physics

three places you want to go on vacation:
1. any one of the 7 wonders of the world!
2. anywhere in the world where i can enjoy wonderful music, good food and quality time with the ones I love.
3. a place where I can dream of flying above clear skies, sparkling waters and landscapes full of flowers and butterflies... a place where i can be peaceful watching the sunrise at dawn, sunset at twilight, and the moon and stars at night... with the love of my life. :)

three kid's names you like:
hmm... secret! ;)

three things you want to do before you die:
1. perform once on a grand piano at CCP theater/perform a voice solo in any animation or musical
2. be a good photographer and interior designer
3. get married, have kids and live happily ever after...

three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. I like doing things on my own. I hate being underestimated.
2. I enjoy ballgames, target-shooting and race-driving videogames.
3. I can get by pretty well being a rose among the thorns.
//i can harana a girl with my guitar =p

three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. Even commercials make me cry.
2. I cringe and shriek at the sight of a FLYING cockroach.
3. Chocolates and shopping make me feel good.

three celeb crushes:
1. Angelina Jolie
2. Charlize Theron
3. Nicole Kidman

//ah guy ba? hehe...
1. Jude Law
2. Adam Sandler
3. Michael Vartan

my turn to tag...

three people that i would like to see take this quiz:
1. Angel
2. JAm
3. Alekos

mood: rejuvenated

All Things Bright and Beautiful...

2005-07-21T08:25:00.003+08:00

Beautiful... "Tutipul"... my first uttered word. (I was 7 months old then according to mama)
-+--'=:!O!:='--+-
Fantastic... "Tantat-tic"... my second. (while I was watching the commercial "Pop-Cola, it's fantastic!")

-+--'=:!O!:='--+-
Found some cute mood icons... I love stars, and the moon... and all things bright and beautiful! :)

mood: bright and
beautiful

Only One Red

2005-07-19T08:20:00.000+08:00

I was there during the Pisay Junior-Senior Promenade 2005... last night in my dream. I went to meet up at the grounds with friends I've long missed... Monica was there, even Hazel. I came at about 10pm and heard the registrar announce the start of the Prom. Weird because it was held inside the classrooms whose blackboards were filled with drawings of castles. Each room has a videoke and the songs were sang by whoever wants to sing while the boys and girls dance close together. After that the lights were turned off and they were made to sleep on the floor. Seeing all that I wondered if Batch '98 were the last one to see what "Pisay" was really made of. Standing in formation at the corridors was the model company, there was DJ. The alumni who gathered together with us formed a "tren-tren" and we strolled around the campus. At the backyard we found an apple tree with plenty of fruits... one of them is red and the rest is green.
"...plenty of green apples... but only one red."
What could that possibly mean?

mood: reflective

Just right on time!

2005-07-18T17:05:00.000+08:00

Weeee... mission accomplished! :)

-+--'=:!O!:='--+-
We were just informed that every month we'll be given one saturday off provided that for the following 2 consecutive weeks, office hours shall be extended till 5:45pm. Hmmm... good enough for me! :)

mood: accomplished

Cramming yet again...

2005-07-18T10:00:00.000+08:00

I started with the menu interface design for our cordless phone two weeks ago, it was already running with the In-Chip Simulation but I think the code isn't that efficient so I tried to restructure it using arrays and pointers. Today's the deadline and I'm cramming again! It's okay 'coz I think more clearly when under pressure... pressure makes me motivated! And for the record, I almost always manage to finish on time (if I wanted to). Somehow I know when to start cramming. Last saturday I dreamt of carrying out part of the code using the unsigned char s as a flag bit! Wehehe :)

mood: excited

Hang-over

2005-07-18T08:10:00.000+08:00

Ang sarap talaga 'pag 2 days ang weekend! :) Kung pwede lang sana na ganito every week... :(

mood: hopeful

Silly Wonderings

2005-07-11T12:40:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered why an insect FLYING inside a car doesn't end up being WHACKED on the back windshield considering a car's speed is at least 60 kph on the average?

Silly me, when that first occured to me I didn't realize at once that it's just simply because an air-conditioned car is an isolated and closed-system. :D

mood: geeky

Amnesia

2005-07-07T11:45:00.000+08:00

Wahaha! Don't they have any other means to establish a conflict in a story? I watched SUGO last night, Graciella got hit by a car and guess what? Ano pa nga ba... eh 'di ang walang-kamatayang amnesia! Haven't they got enough twists already out of babies being switched and twins being separated? Distinguishing between the clan of "alay" and "sugo" is confusing enough.

mood: disappointed

A Life-Changing Experience

2005-07-06T19:13:00.000+08:00

I was actually having second thoughts on posting this after I finished writing and reading the whole story, but something tells me I should pay it forward. So now let me share with you this life-changing experience my family went through just a couple of months ago. I didn't expect it would be this long, please be kind enough to bear with me...

Mama was admitted at the Manila Doctor's Hospital on the 29th of April, friday afternoon. Her right eye was swelling for more than a month since her former doctor scraped off the sty under her eyelid. Everyone suspected that the redness and swelling was due to infection because of an improper medication (steroid eye-drops without antibiotics) prescribed by this doctor, but almost a week of dextrose and antibiotics showed no significant improvement at all. She had a CT Scan and the result revealed no infection or abnormal cell mass formation. Doctors and nurses come in and out of our room to see her, but not one of them gave a sensible analysis. It was only until wednesday the following week when she had her first proper diagnosis. Dr. Remulla, a top-of-her-class UP-graduate who specializes in Eye Orbit, came to see mama for the first time and finally claimed that she's 99% sure she has a fistula and that the only way to ascertain and locate it is through angiography. I couldn't believe mama's condition was that critical until she told us that if it is indeed a fistula, it has to be embolized which can cost us P300K to P800K depending on the case, or around P150K for charity. She said we could still buy some time to prepare that amount because it is just a "low-flow" fistula.

It was my eldest brother's birthday and we were about to check-out and go home that thursday morning when mama suddenly felt an intolerable pain in her right eye. She had to be dextrosed again. The pain was unbearable and I knew it really was 'coz mama has a high threshold for pain. Pain relievers did not help at all. Her right eye had bulged much more she couldn't even open it anymore and it had already deviated from its proper alignment causing her to see blurred double visions. Her eye pressure increased to 50 (normal is 10) and the white spaces around her iris turned into red because of swollen blood vessels. Dr. Kamantigue, her doctor-in-charge who specializes in Glaucoma, said that mama has a "high-flow" fistula already and that she needs to be embolized as soon as possible so as not to strain the blood vessels too much and prevent the possibility of blindness... and even death.

"Strength is born in the deep silence of long suffering hearts, not amid joy."
It was just a sty, how can it possibly be something that critical? I couldn't believe it... i didn't want to. I know things like that really do happen but I never thought it could ever happen to us. I prayed and convinced myself that everything will be fine, but deep inside I know I should be ready for all the possibilities. I look at mama and I can feel her pain. Everytime she looks at the mirror I can feel her fears. At times I felt I'm close to breaking into tears... but I hold it back in and feel my cheeks burning. Many times I can actually feel pain inside my chest. I wanted to cry but I just couldn't... I couldn't let her see me like that, not even papa. If there's one person who carries most of the weight that would be him. I didn't know it was that hard to be strong and for the first time in my life I really didn't know what to do.

Dr. Kamantigue said that there is only one team here in the Philippines that specializes in embolization, the team of Dr. Renato Carlos, a Neuroradiologist. Thank God that he is a colleague of the wife of one of papa's conductors, he was very kind to conduct the embolization that night right after the angiography although we still haven't provided the money. The operation was conducted in PGH, considering that it was the hospital nearby with the medical equipment that wouldn't cost us too much (relatively).

"The darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn."
The operation lasted for almost four hours, from 12 am to 4 am of May 6. At last, after so much restlessness we were so relieved to see mama out of the O.R. There is still one big problem though the operation was a success. Dr. Carlos said that during embolization, many collateral arteries arose from a tiny branch of the meningohypophyseal arteries (the ones they embolized). They also tried to embolize those but there is one tiny artery that they cannot touch for it might cause a stroke. Catheters are too small to go through it and it is located near the brain. Because of this, Dr. Carlos taught us a massage therapy to be applied on the carotid artery at the left side of mama's neck. With this technique hopefully the tiny artery will somehow close by itself after some time. But for now, it is forbidden for her to get mad, get tired, bend down, and exert any form of effort forcefully.

"In order to see the rainbow, you must first endure some rain."
It has been two months now, and Mama's recovery was fast. Her right eye is still a little swollen but the pressure is now down to normal values. The redness around her iris is clearing out although some swollen vessels are still visible. Her vision and balance are getting back to normal. She is much stronger now, and we're very thankful. There are no words to ever express how happy we are seeing her regain her health and strength.

What happened in a week has changed our lives forever. We have realized so many things that we couldn't possibly have if none of these ever happened. We have seen how truly powerful a prayer can be. In behalf of my family, I want to take this oppurtunity to again thank all the people who have been there in one of the most difficult times of our lives... for all the financial help, for all your prayers, for all the love... we owe you my mother's sight, my mother's life. May graces pour unto you a thousand fold. Most of all, may all the glory be to God Almighty, whom we owe everything that is good in this life.

-+--'=:!O!:='--+-Fistula

An Arteriovenous Fistula/Malformation is an abnormal channel between an artery and a vein. Normally, blood flows from arteries into capillaries and then into veins. When an arteriovenous fistula is present, blood flows directly from an artery into a vein, bypassing the capillaries. The area can swell quickly if blood escapes into the surrounding tissues. If a large acquired arteriovenous fistula is not treated, a large volume of blood flows under high pressure from the artery into the vein network. Vein walls are not strong enough to withstand such high pressure, so the walls stretch and the veins enlarge and bulge.

Dural Arteriovenous Fistulae are blood vessels that represent abnormal connections between arteries veins that are found in the covering of the brain.

Carotid Cavernous Fistula is a specific kind of Dural Fistula that involves the carotid artery (or its branches) and a large vein (cavernous sinus) behind the eye.

-+--'=:!O!:='--+-Embolization

Embolization, a fairly new treatment method, is a way of closing, or at least drastically reducing blood flow to one or more blood vessels that are doing more harm than good. The term "embolization" derives from embolus, which can be any object that circulates in the bloodstream until it lodges in a blood vessel—in this case, a synthetic material or medication specially designed to occlude the blood vessels. The material is passed through a catheter, its tip lying in or near the vessel to be closed.

-+--'=:!O!:='--+-Angiography

The first step in embolization is to perform angiography to locate the exact site of bleeding or abnormality. A thin catheter is introduced through a very small incision into the femoral artery, a large groin vessel, and guided by TV monitoring as close as possible to the area of abnormality. Contrast material then is injected and a series of x-rays are taken where even tiny thread-like vessels can be seen. An appropriate embolic material then is chosen and injected through the catheter to lodge at the treatment site. Repeat angiograms are done until bleeding is controlled or there is enough embolic material in a tumor or vascular malformation.

mood: indescribable

Ilaw Ng Tahanan

2005-07-04T14:20:00.000+08:00

Ngayon ay ika-pitumpu't-limang kaarawan ni nanay Luz, ang ilaw ng sambahayang Labrador-Bongon. Gaya ng ginagawa namin taun-taon tuwing sasapit ang kanyang kaarawan, nagsagawa kami ng isang malaking family reunion. Idinaos namin ang pagdiriwang kahapon, at hindi man nakumpleto ang labing-isa niyang mga anak, matatanaw sa kislap ng kanyang mga mata at ngiti ng kanyang mga labi ang bakas ng kaligayahan.

Kung inyo lamang malalaman ang naging buhay at kapalaran ni nanay... daig nito ang kahit na anong telenobela at maalaala mo kayang kuwento ng buhay. Ngunit sa lahat ng pagkakataon ng kanyang mga pagsubok at paghihirap, higit pa sa sipag at tiyaga ang kinailangan niya upang matagumpay na maitaguyod ang kanyang sambahayan... naging mapanalangin siya, ni isang saglit ay hindi niya nalimutang humingi ng tulong at magbigay pasasalamat sa dakilang Ama. Hindi man sila naging mayaman sa materyal na bagay, naging mayaman ang kanyang mga anak sa mga wastong aral at pamumuhay, maayos ang kanilang kalagayan ngayon sa buhay... at dahil iyon sa lubos niyang pagtitiwala at pananalig sa magagawa ng Buong Maykapal.

Sa inyong ika-pitumpu't-limang kaarawan... maligayang bati po 'nay!

mood: jubilant

The Never-Ending Poem by SSEP girls

2005-06-30T12:45:00.001+08:00

Take a cup of coffee
Neither half empty nor half full
A swirl of white milk
The last link to a mother’s womb

And as a mother rears its child
Feeding it drop by precious drop
So must you drink this sparingly
For coffee is hot, yes, deadly hot

Under the hot and killer sun
You lick your melting sundae cone
Swaying, singing, dancing
With a beat so out of this world

Then you say the world doesn’t care
As you walk past the houses at night
Mindlessly taking in...
Submitting down to the last line of this poem

A last walk down the line
Your whole body screaming “Chicken!”
The urge, the need
For McDo meal no. 4

And yet McDo is closed, it is late
You walk to Villegas, you don’t know why
A tricycle screeches, you hear a scream
“Aieeeeeeee! Saklolo!”

Can’t move, can’t breathe, “saklolo”
You grasp for air, forcefully opening your still blood-shot eyes
Ha-ha! You’re late again
You decided to go back to sleep

But sleep brings you to a trance
So you rack your rotten brains out
Can’t figure out the answer
To the triple integral of p(3sinf)dpdfdq

p the sign of density, and f of flux
Why do I say those nonsense?
I don’t know, I must be lost
Lost in the image of your burning eyes

Eyes which reveal thy sore need for sleep
And water with the hint of unshed tears
For lost sleep, lost love, lost pen, I know not
Only that you have lost, and lost, and lost again

Sleep walking, you certainly are lost
You head for the CR, no not
Already in front of the mirror
Staring vainly at your reflection

And you’re staring at nothingness
Nothing but a cold shining wall
Illusion creeps domineeringly
Until –“ crack!”-

Until you crack
Until you tire of self-pity; of fleeting sympathy
You have not gained, you have not grown
A pity

Pity comes, pity goes
Anger seethes but also goes
All is temporal but all’s not lost
Close your eyes, try to know

Blink your eyes but focus
You’re lonely but not alone
When everything’s unbearably plain
There’s always the ice skating rink

The feel of cold ice on bruised butt
Go ahead, glide, slide , collide
Fall down hand first, butt next
Slam! Kablam!!!

Oh yes, slam your body
Forget sadness
Aye to happiness
Then wiggle your belly button

Wiggle, wiggle, feel the drizzle
Turn your head where ya hear the whistle
Look up the sky, glitters sprinkle
No not stars, not snow, but ashfall

Snowy white skirt
Flows like the river of Nile
She wears it!
They love it!

Yes love is but a dreamless sleep
Of footsteps and curtains and empty stage
And you scream as you fall and fall
“No!!! Shucks!!! Dammit!”

No end to a life less stage
Of loveless dreams and selfish spites
Then the cold rainbow garment
...The masquerade

Oh stop the masquerade!
Snap out of it and free oneself
Spread your wings and fly
Let lightning strike and thunder crack your brains out!

Brain, brain, big blob of mush
But how great a thing that such
Things can still be written down
Think, think and be human!

Human – yup, grab a brush from that store
Just to free yourself from boredom
...of physics lab reports and mechanics stuff
to Southmall... to Festival... to ATC!

Festival! Festival! Welcome to Festival!
Legs aching, throat shrieking
Eyes rolling, nose itching
Get a ride and swirl a hula!

Ride with the wind
Play in the clouds
Wish you could see me now
So complete without you

Without encumbrances
Without the masks I put up
To gain your affection
I have transcended that

And yet, to say I have transcended
All the barriers of humanity
And flown to the utmost reaches of the limits of this frail and vulnerable species
And stand at the tip of the rabbit’s fur, looking at the great beyond

Beyond? Beyond what? The destination’s a blur
Do state the place and be a little bit fair
For I too would like to gaze
That great beyond at the tip of the rabbit’s fur

Where art thou, o White Rabbit?
Ye be the candy I so long for
I have waited for so long for the taste of the wafer paper on my tongue
Come ye back into production!

Production of sweat glands
Oozing with stench of sweat
The smell, the sight
Sweat

Sweat? The word, it sounds a bit like “sweet”
But just a bit
Sticky, sugary, sickeningly sweet
Mush-o-matic, here I come

It is here and it is now that matters
Kings don’t mean a thing, like riches and fame gone by
Unlike what we have here and now
An eternity to behold

Behold! The drunken messenger
As cold as large iced tea
And they trampled my magic feather
Oh spite! Oh hell! O woe is me!

Oh woe, woe, woe, oh my utter tale of woe!
Oh you feather, oh you feather that I picked up long ago!
Which they trampled, which they trampled
Boots a-crushing in the snow!

Yes boots, the smelly boots for ROTC
From across the room
Across the room manifested so clearly
For the odor wafts to your nose

From nose to the brain
Of these self-proclaimed poets
From brains to the breath
Of these bored weirdos

Weirdos who stalk in the cold dark night
You make a right, then a left
Sweat pours down your face
Have a sigh of relief at a familiar site

But then familiar it is no more
When you look around to see
A house that used to be a home
Wherein you now find yourself -- alone

Yourself am alone with memories, they haunt, they kill
To live in the past is not living
Open your eyes, see now and live
Alone but not lonely

A lonely figure glides high and free
With nary a care in the world
In one fell swoop he soars again
Happy, free, and unfettered

Unfettered by the weight of your celfone
Accessories galore!
Free text forever, give me more!
But…alas, I do not have a celfone

Alas! Dos! Tong Its!
Oh my God I made it!
One more win, one more draw
The one in front of me will be as bare as straw

Straw bare is
Or ain’t jest
A poll
Lie cheese

Hello cheese face!
Watta you starin’ at?
These drowsy words
Orgy of thoughts

Thoughts of you make me puke
You’re pure egocentricity
You think you’re darn cute
You’re freaking stupidity

I’m freakin’ out can’t you see, breakin’ out oh leave me be
I need my beauty sleep
Oh what is this I see?
Beauty betwix you and me

You and me
As good as friends can be
There’s no when and no why’s
But friends are we

Friends of unconditional proportion
Neither asking why’s nor giving if’s
Circumscribed in a cardioid
Inscribed in a lemniscate

Number 8 is a lemniscate
While 0 is a circle
Ah! Pathetic numbers and figures
I’d rather stick to the scriptures

Your scriptures I cannot see
Is it not? But can you blame me?
I do not see things the way you do
Let me be, let you on your own, too

On my own, just ain’t the same, like a guy’s pickup line that’s just too lame
Down on my knees, praying
Waiting for the day you’ll walk through that door and make all my dreams come true
But now I’ll satisfy my yearns with a grad pic of you

But no, one pic is not enough
And I must have more! More! More!
Whether stolen or candid, or taken by force
I will augment my treasures, I’ll build up my store

The truths I own I treasure
In the deepest recesses
Like fiery hell
Shall rise and defy my existence

But how would you define
Something as sublime
As existence... hmm
I’m not making sense

Sense? Sense? Non sense!
Why not just buy a gum for fifty cents
And try to put on different scents
But make sure no nose resents

Sure as night will turn to day
I will surely make you pay
Why didn’t you tell me you were gay
And now I’ll watch til you decay

Til you decay and rot in hell
Send shivers down and make you yell
Well then take back this curse
Or else I’ll eat your purse

Purse your lips, I’ll steal a kiss
And make sure this won’t miss
If you respond it would be pure bliss
And then I’ll take you all for keeps

He keeps my memory in a nutshell
And the image is warped as he please
Mere mortal becomes goddess
Fallible becomes peerless

Peerless knight, oh Sir Launcelot
This maiden fair calls upon you
For this heart is in vain
Let thy love in kisses rain

Rain cats and dogs
While pigs can fly
And quiet as a mouse
The bugs crawl over the house

Like a thousand bugs crawling on my skin
Thoughts of you won’t leave me in peace
And like an asp entwined on my feet
Your presence chills my blood

Blood. How sweet it tasted
Now where am I headed?
To find some more
I want some more

More than this boring life
I want to see when more than 8
Will make the elevator break
A novelty!

The novelty of knowing you
Does nothing but make me blue
To me you were never true
So all I say is “Screw you!”

Yet screw is such a bitter word
Thy word has stained thy sword
Open your eyes, stare at the sky
Just smile all out and heave a sigh

Sigh! I tread upon cement blocks
A cat comes by with furtive steps
Seeing that her path is blocked
Her movements froze while fear crept

Fear that is the essence of living
For a man who fears nothing
Loves nothing
Preferring to live

mood: poetic

Mga Kuwentong Cedie II

2005-06-24T13:50:00.001+08:00

Birthday ko nito last year... nasa bahay sina rohel, mark, jam, allen, luz, armi, at angel. Napansin namin si cedie sobrang harot, kiliti ng kiliti at yakap ng yakap kay luz...

Nung naiwan na lang kami nila rohel, mark, at jam, kinulit namin si cedie kung ba't gusto niya si luz. Habang nagpipingpong kami eto binulong niya kay jam... "wag mong sasabihin kahit kanino ha sikreto lang natin 'to, gusto ko siya kasi... kasi may bra siya eh." Kaya pala laking tawa ni jam!

Khuleet! :)

mood: giggly

Mga Kuwentong Cedie I

2005-06-23T17:50:00.000+08:00

Pagsamba ng kabataan, naglalakad kami patungong bahay-sambahan...

Cedie: "Ate yang, anong oras na?"
Ate yang: "Ten minutes na lang 'by."
Cedie: "Ate yang 'di ba matagal ang ten minutes?"
Ate yang: "Opo."
Cedie: "Eh bakit sabi ni mama sandali lang daw?"
Ate yang: "Depende 'yun 'by... pag mabagal kang kumilos sandali lang 'yun, pero pag mabilis ka matagal 'yun."

Hehe...
-+--'=:!O!:='--+-
Kaaalis ko lang, malakas ang ulan at dumadagundong ang kulog sa kalangitan. Nagtext si Cedie, walang malay ang may-ari ng cellphone as usual...

Cedie: "Ate yang c cedie to ingat ka wag mong gamitin yung payong mo na matulis ang dulo baka tamaan ka ng kidlat! Psalubong ko ha."

Hay, ang cute-cute talaga ng mga bata. Bunso namin yan... :)

mood: amused

Habitual Tardiness

2005-06-21T13:45:00.000+08:00

Sheesh I could've been early today. I took the wrong jeep! It was heading towards the opposite direction and I didn't even notice... how stupid of me! Windang kasi ako. Last night I slept at half past 1 'coz I've been to a friend who's leaving today for Canada. Three alarms wasn't enough to wake me at 5 and when I opened my eyes it was already 5:45.

I didn't take my breakfast and took the ride to Pala-Pala, Cavite at 6:20. Good thing the van was ready to go or else I'd still wait for another 10-15 mins before it fills up. I reached the terminal at 7 and took "the jeep". I was so preoccupied with getting my "half-space" between the passengers that I didn't bother to check my change. I could've known right away. I didn't notice that we took the opposite direction because it was crowded and the jeepneys always drive through the side parking lot of Robinsons before getting to the highway. And so 15 mins passed by without me knowing... until it turned LEFT! Why left??!! I was lost...

I managed my way back to the terminal and by that time it was already 7:45. 7:45... could've been my sign-in time. I arrived at EPZA, Rosario, Cavite at 8:30... oh well, another half-day for me. At least now I have time for breakfast, and a little more to take a nap in my apartment.

Why half-day? Because I received a memo last week for "habitual tardiness". Hehe. For me to avoid more late records, my supervisor advised me to check-in for half-day instead if I will be late for more than 10 mins. Here's more. Guess what? In less than 5 months I've accumulated a total of 24 absencies! Beat that!

mood: frustrated

A Little Bit Of Both Worlds

2005-06-19T14:55:00.000+08:00

As I was about to doze off last night, a beeping sound awakened me. I've got a message and it goes something like this: "If you didn't have any fears or apprehensions in your life, what would you be doing right now?"

"I would have taken a course in music and would probably be a performing classical pianist and a voice recording artist right now," I pondered. With that I could easily get away with brain-drain and the hustles and bustles of work. Life would be sheer delight. If only life were uncomplicated, like the way I imagine it to be when I'm in my dollhouse...

Back to reality. I rationalized that if I did took the other path, I would regret not taking a Science-oriented course with advanced Math instead. I would have craved and starved for mind-bogglers and brain-twisters. And if life really were uncomplicated, it would be dull like a sea without occasional tidalwaves and thunderstorms. Without heavy currents it can be quiet, but it will be solitary.

Finally I deduced that I didn't have to choose between the two. Life is too short. If I can't be a master of either worlds, then I'll take pleasure in having a little bit of both.

mood: contemplative